My Blog

Saturday, January 27, 2007


If you receive an e-mail with a subject line of "Badtimes," delete it immediately WITHOUT reading it. This is the most dangerous Email virus yet.

It will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will s cramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream melts and milk curdles . It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, reprogram your ATM access code, screw up the tracking on your VCR and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to play.

It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend your new phone number. It will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your beer and leave its dirty socks on the coffee table when there's company coming over.

It will hide your car keys when you are late for work and interfere with your car radio so that you hear only static while stuck in traffic.

Badtimes will make you fall in love with a hardened pedophile. It will give you nightmares about circus midgets. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card.

It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter if she is dead, such is the power of Badtimes, it reaches out beyond the grave to sully those things we hold most dear.

Badtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet seat up and leave the hairdryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will wantonly remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, and refill your skim milk with whole. It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

2007 Survey

1. Will you be looking for a new job?
Course not! I love my job, and I'm actually getting more training to work in the pharmacy in the future

2. Will you be looking for a new relationship?
I sure as hell hope not. I better not!!

3. New house?
Just moved in September. It still is new house

4. What will you do differently in '07?
Go back to school

5. New Year's resolution?
To not make one. I did good!

6. What will you not be doing in '07?
Working at the library, except for one day

7. Any trips planned?
Not this year, yet

8. Wedding plans?Oh hells no!

9. Major thing on your calendar?

10. What can't you wait for?
The day I win the lottery. Guess I better buy a ticket.....

11. What would you like to see happen?
The rest of the work done on my room. Little painting, installing a friggin DOOR, and smoothing the walls of the hallway by said DOOR and painting them too. Plus some baseboard

12. What about yourself will you be changing?
Dunno yet. Probably my hair, that's the first thing to go

13. What happened in '06 that you didn't think would?
I went blondish

14. Will you be nicer to the people you care about?
They can always hope......

15. Will you dress differently this year than you did?
Not really. That would take money for new clothes, since everything I have is basically the same. I did get a few new shirts for Christmas, though

16. Will you quit drinking?

17. Will you better your relationship with your family?
I might try. A little

18. Will you do charity work?
Pfft. No

19. Will you go to bars?
It's entirely possible, but the most likely scenario is McGurk's with the girls

20. Will you be nice to people you don't know?
Part of my job, baby. Part of my job

21. Do you expect '07 to be a good year for you?
I do not expect. I fucking know

22. How much did you change from this time last year?
Quite a bit, really, when I get all reflective and think about it

23. Do you plan on having a child?

24. Will you still be friends with the same people?
I'm pretty sure I will. They're nice people

25. Major lifestyle change?
I got my car ALL. PAID. OFF. If you don't think that counts, fuck off. It does

26. Will you be moving?
I doubt it. There's still some dust floating around from last time

27. What will you make sure doesn't happen in '07?
Get any further into debt!

28. What are/were your New Year's Eve plans?
They WERE to go bowling and drink afterwards at my house, but I got sick and ended up sleeping on the couch with orange juice and chicken Ramen broth, waking up just long enough to see the ball drop before dozing back off

29. Will/did you have someone to kiss at midnight?I did, but I was sick, so we kinda skipped it this year

30. One wish for '07?
Fuck. Just one?

Monday, January 01, 2007


I got sick, and it sucked. We all partied hard on the 28th, and no, I didn't get sick from partying. Although some who were at the party may wonder.... :D

No, seriously, I got sick on New Year's fucking EVE. It sucked major ass. I woke up before seven thinking, man, I gotta hit the john. Couple minutes after some major ass drainage, I started hurling as well. Yup, I lucked out and hit the jackpot of BOTH ends at once! How lucky am I. I threw up four times before noon, at which time I had to go to work. Okay, fine. Can't call in because IT'S A HOLIDAY and we all know that if someone CALLS IN on a HOLIDAY they're automatically suspected of FAKING to get a longer holiday, even if the person in question last called in sometime in AUGUST. Or maybe it was September. At any rate, I got some clothes on that were definitely clean, and wobbled in to work. I threw up in a trashcan in front of a customer midway through ringing her out twenty minutes later. I got sent home before I'd been at work for 50 minutes. That is a new record.

By the end of the day, I had puked a personal record of nine times in less than ten hours and was basically shitting water. It was just as lovely as it sounds. I'm much better now, thanks to Mike, Robot Chicken, and orange juice alternated with chicken Ramen (just broth. No noodles).

Boy howdy, what a great post for the first one of the year.